The not so good death

In 2019, my 59 year old mother passed away from her third bout of cancer in her spine. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer a few years before that and then brain cancer, and finally succumbed to spinal cancer. It was honestly the most difficult thing to watch your loved one struggle along for two weeks. Thinking is she finally dead!? And then her breathing would kick back in. It has been the most emotionally and mentally scarring thing to go through. This went on for a week. We sat at my mums bedside for 31 hours straight waiting for her to have a peaceful death. But unfortunately for our family it wasn’t meant to be. My mum was not wanting to be alive but had to linger for two weeks to only then pass away on her eldest grandsons 16th birthday. It was a terrible day for it to happen, my mum wouldn’t have wanted it to be like that. It has left long lasting effects on my son. He doesn’t feel he can celebrate his birthday anymore. There was no control over the final week, we knew mum was going to die? But when was the question. We were initially told we would have mum until around December and she took a sharp decline at the end of April. There were some staff that were absolutely wonderful. But one thing I didn’t like was sending unprepared student nurses in who couldn’t handle the situation. I was having to comfort a student in our families time of need. A student should be mentored properly if this is going to be their job. I was worried for her mental well-being on a placement in an unfamiliar town. We really need to do better and support people properly. The 31 hours we spent in hospital were in uncomfortable chairs, I was awake the whole entire time as there wasn’t comfortable furniture in the palliative care room. My mum had several unwitnessed falls due to switch board putting phone calls through to her room when she was not ambulating well. Little things like that you need to be aware of so you don’t have patients who are a falls risk, falling to get a phone. There was no tv, unless you paid $14 a day for free to air tv. Patients should not have to pay for free to air tv. Is abhorrent in this day and age to be charging sick people for tv they can get free in home. Things like that can impact any patients mental health. Laying in a dead quiet environment. Provisions were made for my dad which was so kind so he could stay each night with my mum. By doing this our family could be a part of my mothers care in her final days and not have to bother the nursing staff all the time. Enabling families to be a part of their loved ones care is empowering, to provide mouth care, hand and foot care, gave us something to actually do and put our minds elsewhere at the time and we felt like we were giving back to our mother, our matriarch of the family. Palliative care is never easy to witness but when it’s a family member like your mum, you cannot erase the horrible things you have seen. Or you can’t erase the terrible thoughts you may of had, to help get your loved one over the line. It is something that will stick with me forever and my whole entire family. The transition could of been nicer for us all. I wish I had also received some kind of counseling after going through that.